Like a bear

In 2006 i never would have thought that ten years later i would have got lost so many times going for a poo. Go for a little walk to find a decent bush. Once i've successfully avoided pooing on my own shoes, i realise i can't remember which direction i came from.
Wild poos are really quite common here aswell.
In France its not jus their dogs that poo everywhere. Its people too. Theyre not even discrete about it. Ive seen whole families jus squatting in a line at the side of the road. Passing the toilet roll like a doobie.
But on the other hand, poo has also helped me find my way.
When im out walking, the paths aren't always clearly marked and often disappear. Occasionally im greeted by a pile of tissues and human excrement. This tells me ive wandered off the path slightly.
Some places it was more than just occasionally. Went on a walk through Verdon Gorge. It was bloody everywhere. Every corner, every little alcove. The path couldn't have been more clear.
Saw this really cool cave and ran into it excitedly. Full of poo. It should of been called Turdon Gorge.

Araignée de Grande Bretagne

Smuggled this guy in from the UK. Wasn't very good at controlling the fly population. Until one day he ate three flies that were near enough as big as he is.

Never saw him again after that. All i can imagine is he grew too fat to fit out his little hiding spot.

Mont Guillaume et Pointe 2643, Embrun

Today I walked up Mont Guillaume and some adjacent summits. I parked near the top with the intention of starting first thing in the morning.
When i woke up i decided to see if i could drive closer. Couldn't really see out the windscreen because it was half frozen and still dark. There was no one about and i wasnt even on a proper road. Probably the most bumpy road ive ever driven on.
Found somewhere to park and had dinner. As it got light i noticed the road was actually a river bed. That explains all the rocks.
I started the ascent. From looking at maps i had a vague idea of which way to go. But that didn't take into account the barely visible path and electric fences all over the place. As well as the hundreds of frozen cow pats and cows with bells round their necks. I think this isnt a regularly walked route.
After some slight directional confusion i discovered some more defined paths. Even signs. There was a sign with a picture of a guy climbing up a cliff with a rope so i thought id go that way.
It wasnt too long before i could hear some wolves. Was quite surprised there'd be wolves round here. They seemed to be getting closer the more i walked. Bloody great. I'm gonna get killed by wolves. I thought it wasn't really worth turning back just to avoid getting eaten by wolves so i carried on.
Turns out it was jus a load of people with guns and dogs.
They were walking up the steepest path id ever seen which goes pretty much straight up the mountain. Looks like a vehicle path but i have no idea what vehicle could go up there without tipping.
I got to a stream with some cool ice formations. There was also a little chapel like thing.

I was out of the forest now and walking up cold rocky terrain. Patches of snow had started to appear. There was also a lot of poo with berries across this mountain. Some of it had so many berries it was bright red. It wasn't deer poo, more like cat poo but couldn't figure out what it was from.
Nearly at the top now. Decided to take a short cut. Totally paid off. Looking down I could see the route i would have took and think i jus saved half an hour. Could have easily got completely lost though.
At the top of Guillaume there was another chapel. There seem to be a lot of these about. Dont really fancy walking all the way up here just for the sunday service.
There were some cool views. Saw the road I drove to get here. Looks like a tiny squiggle from up here.

Walked across a few adjacent peaks. Was quite windy and my hands and face went numb very quickly.
On my way down i was on a south facing slope which was considerably warmer but still not far off zero. Surprisingly a lot of crickets way up here.
The way down was a lot more straight forward. Its just down isnt it. Amazes me how people get lost going down.
Obviously had to stop several times to look for cool rocks to fill my bag. Don't want it to be too easy.
I remebered a serious lack of cliffs going up and had a closer look at these signs on the way down. Turns out, the guy going up a cliff with a rope, was actually a guy holding a ski.
As i got closer to the bottom i could feel my knees wearing away. The rocks aren't even worth it yano. Always chuck a few out when i get to me van because they dont stand up. Which is the final evaluation of every rock.
The cow pats at the bottom had now defrosted. I was wondering if the only way to get a decent cross section of a cow pat would be to smash a frozen one. If you cut a fresh one with a knife, i imagine it would just squidge like cutting a soft brownie or somthing. Surely there is someone whos taken this further than a thought.

Spoon

My spork broke again. The first time i just ductaped it back together. Didnt last long before it snapped into three pieces.
Tried finishing my dinner with a honey jar lid. Added a new dimension of flavour to my tinned cabbage and rice but didn't quite cut it as an eating utensil.
This time i decided to jus whittle a new spoon.
After about 5 minutes of frantic whittling i realised this is not gonna get finished before my dinner goes cold.
So i decided to split the end of a stick and wedge the broken spoon into the end like an arrow head. Then hold it in place with a cable tie. Ingenuity at its finest.
It was only barely usable, when the spoon didnt fall off and have to scoop it out me dinner. I persisted with this scenario every day for a week until i finally decided to buy the new spoon.
I've never been so relieved to own a spoon. It made eating my dinner so much easier.
Never take spoons for granted.

Mont Chamechaude

Went up my first alpine mountain today. Technically the Pre-Alps but its still the Alps. Not really sure what the name means but chaud means hot.
Got there a lot later than i inteded and couldn't park as close as i expected so that added maybe an extra hour to the walk but that was ok at this point.
The first bit was steep, surprisingly a lot steeper than it looked on a flat two dimensional map. I couldn't really be bothered saying bonjour to everyone on the way up cos it was Saturday and quite busy. So i decided to go off the path and through a forest. Which was even steeper. Hands and knees steep. Had to take several breaks. Think i rushed too much at the start.
Then it opened up through some meadows and scree slopes. Still bloody steep. Heard some dogs so thought maybe im near a path cos i could really do with a path right now.
The dogs came and went with no one following them and no path. I think they were hunting dogs.
Eventually i saw some people on a path. Looked like they were wondering why i was walking up a really steep bit and not the path.
Saw this really cool big rock and had a climb up it. I was definitely nearer the top than the bottom now. But as soon as id got onto the path id lost it again.

The next bit involved climbing up some cliffs. I'm sure it wasn't supposed to but i hadn't seen a path for a while and that way was up.
Climbed up the first set of cliffs. Beginning to think this was a bad idea.
On the next set of cliffs i saw an Ibex! Obviously i couldn't take a photo because id lose my three points, it scuttled off before i could have got my camera out my pocket anyway. Probably silently laughing at my cliff scaling inadequacies.

That was pretty cool but now i was thinking am i gonna get up and down before its dark. I nearly turned back a few times. It was 17:30 now. I kept thinking, i'll jus do a bit more.
Then eventually after many bit mores i persevered and got to the top. It felt amazing and i still had a few hours light left.

From the top i could see clearly the path to the bottom it looked so easy and navigable, i'm glad i went the hard way.
About half way down i saw a toilet. This is the first toilet ive seen on my travels and surprised for it to be half way up a mountain and made from breeze blocks and a plank. Didn't need a poo but i might have used it for the novelty of it.

Dyin and Doggin

Need a sign in my window that says, "I'm not a dogger and I'm not dead".
You'd be surprised how many times people have knocked on my window and when i open the door they say, "oh we thought you were dead".
You've never met me in your life?! What made you think i'd died?!
The doggers aren't as bad. Usually they jus flash their lights or beep the horn. A couple of times they have peered through the window. I stare right back at them but its tinted so you can't see inside. Next time im jus gna scream really loud and see what they do.

Return of the ticks.

Noticed another tick on me again today. Luckily, before it had chosen a place to take hold. Pretty big compared to the others in New Forest.
One day i pulled off five ticks. Most of them in my groinal area. They really don't wanna let go either.
You haven't lived until you've pulled a tick off your foreskin i can tell ya.