Saturday 22 October 2016

Oscar the Grouch

It all started at the U Express in Cassis.
I had to buy some baccy and it's the first thing i had to buy, by stringing half a sentence together.  Saying bonjour, merci in the shop is bad enough.
When i got to the Tabac shop, she wouldn't accept cards so had to find a cash machine. The town was nice had a marina with loads of boats and a dude selling weird fish.
So i got the baccy. Wasnt even that big of a deal in the end.
To celebrate i got some beers from U then drove up to the mountain. I wanted to park near the top of the mountain or one of the clanaques but hadnt been able to park anywhere near as close as i thought i would.
Walked up to the mountain. It was so windy, wasnt really feelin it. My tripod blew away. Wanted to walk to the clanaques but it would take to long and i was nearly out of beer.

So i decided to walk to town. Only 30% battery left. Big mistake.
I walked down the mountain.
Obviously not following any particular path that i could remember to get back easily.
When i got to the coast i decided to walk along the cliffs, wasnt too difficult in my slightly inebriated state. But part of it was through a military base. Then the rest was like some hotel grounds.
When i got into town, walked to a bar. 9 euros for a pint! Tried to talk to some french people. They werent interested.

Then i went to U express again to get more beer, cheese and biscuits. Then started heading back as it was nearly dark. My phone was very low on battery at this point so i quickly checked a map.

After not drinking for a couple months i got steaming unexpectedly quick. The rest of the journey is quite blurry.
I remember talking to a couple of van dwellers in a red van, I think one was french and one was dutch. I tried speaking french but they generally didnt have a clue what i was saying.
I sat down outside a hotel and must have fallen asleep. I remember being sick then going to sit on another bench so no one would think its me. Even though it was night time and there was no one there. Then this guy kept comin out and sayin i can't sleep here. It must have been quite late cos i was wondering why is he still at work.
I explained (tried to) my battery had ran out and i dont know how to get back to my van. He didn't understand me. I doubt even an english person could understand me at this point. So i left.
Think i might have left my cheese and biscuits here.

At this point i was extremely thirsty so went knocking on vans hoping someone would give me some water. There seemed to be a lot of vans parked around here. If i had parked here then probably one of them would have been mine. Luckily someone answered. He was asleep so think it must have been quite late at night. But atleast i got hydrated and it ignited my will to survive.
Now it had gotten quite cold and i thought a fire would be a good idea even if i got arrested atleast i'd have somewhere to sleep.
I went to slightly wooded area at the side of the road and set up a fire. But then i remembered my only lighter had broken earlier, probably to my benefit.

After id gotten the water i felt a lot better anyway so started lookin through bins for more food and water. Found quite a lot more water actually in a cool big jug with a tap which i was gonna keep. It was quite a large bin so i climbed inside for a sleep.
In the morning i got woken by the bin lorry. Luckily the bin man looked inside and to his surprise, i was sleeping in there. He did say something to me which i think was dont sleep in bins cos its dangerous.
They threw away my water jug :/

So i walked back to the shop. Again.
Along the way i recognised all the places id been to the night before. I think id jus been wandering up and down the same street all night.
Got some orange soda from the shop.
I knew id parked near 'Les Clanaques' so when i saw a sign i jus followed them. All the way back through the places id already been.
I left the town and went down a cliff. By this point my knees where in intense pain. Ive had knee problems for the past couple weeks from walking up sub zero mountains in shorts. Also probably because im usually carrying a bag full of rocks.
I got onto a path and quickly noticed the way which i came from. But i remembered how knee shatteringly treacherous that was. So i continued the path along the valley floor. The place was amazing but i couldnt take any photos cos my phone had died. I was walkin for ages and ages, every so often thinking i should turn back and walk the way i knew. But kept on going. Eventually... i reached a familiar road which led up to where id parked.

From my last video which i presume is about the time my battery ran out at about 19:00 it took me 17 hours to find my van cos i got there about 12 midday.
That is by far the longest ive ever been lost for and jus shows how much we rely on phones. Which is the only lesson ive learned from this experience.

Then later in the day a forest ranger knocks on my window and says i can't sleep here!!
Well actually...
He gave me a written warning and a map of all the places i can't sleep. Cheers mate. Back to the bin is it.

The next day i found a piece of paper in my van with a really, really badly drawn picture of a van on it. It's really just a scribble. I can't remember this part of the night but i think it was an attempt at communicating id lost my van.

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