Thursday 9 February 2017

Castleton Castle

I was driving to Mam Tor which was somewhere i wanted to visit last time i was in the Peaks but didn't get round to it.
On the way there i saw this old Castle on a hill so i thought id stop and have a look.
Turns out it was closed and you probably had to pay to get in and all that bizniz.
Which is good because that means i might be able to get in for free and it will definitely be empty.
I looked on me phone for another way in. Found a route through the village then up a path through some craggy fields with cliffs and the occasional cave. Obviously checked all the caves, none of them turned into tunnels.
I did really need a poo though so i had a poo in one. Didn't need to rush cos no one is about this time of year. Probably also don't want to know that it was half orange and half brown because when i live in the van, i only eat orange food.
This poo highlights the house diet to van diet transition.
Then when i emerged from the cave i saw this couple walking down the path, who also noticed me.
I quickly said, "It doesn't lead anywhere, no need to go in there." To avoid explaining why my poo was two different colours. They might have thought i was an alien.
Further up the path, i could see the back of the castle on the edge of a cliff. So i took a detour across the fields.
As i got close it looked like i was on the wrong side of the cliff. But then noticed it wasn't too hard to get to. Ignoring all the barbed wire and razor wire. They really did not want you getting in this place.
Underneath the castle there was a big cave, it was gated but you could squeeze down the side. Not much in here though.
The castle was on a cliff so could only walk round one way. On the cliff side i noticed the unmistakable shaft of a poo chamber.
To get into the castle grounds you had to climb over a fence with big steel spikes on it but someone had bent them so you could get in.
The castle did have some spiral stair cases, this is how you know its a castle and not just a really old stone building.
Inside i found it was actually a poo chamber. I was devastated cos if id only waited half an hour i could have pooed there and when it opened in the spring everyone would have seen my alien poo.

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